In fact A-ha was a…in fact still is a wonderful ,Norwegian pop band who started in 1982 and had big hits including Take on Me and the Sun Always Shines on TV . Actually I can’t remember any other of their songs , so let’s stick with those .
As usual I’m skirting around the point , if you a Norwegian pop band follower and google brought you to this site , you are about to get very confused. I have no idea if Magne, Mortonor or Paul had any childhood trauma , I hope not , but that’s what this page is going to pivot in the direction of .
When did you find out?
For me my coming out story , coming out as an ACE survivor, was recent , very recent. Obviously I suffer with bad memories , but the rest according to friendly online Vloggers was just learnt anxiety that could be un learned , just sign up to our 8 week programme, only $1,000. Everyone seems to offer advice , re- teach your inner child , take this supplement ( and handily they also sell it ) or try my workshop. I know some can be helpful and if it has helped you , I’m nothing but pleased. But if you are a sufferer , you know what I’m saying , we are complex , we have multiple problems and some are due to actual physical changes to our bodies, right down to our gene expressions.
My A-ha
My A-Ha moment was watching a lecture , I cannot remember by whom , but it just clicked , the symptoms matched like a key in a lock , clicking the door open. That has led me on an unstoppable journey to find out more about the effects of ACEs and pass on that knowledge and do my tiny bit to shout quietly from the hill tops.
I know its strange , I know I’m strange for that matter …but I had heard very little about the affects of childhood trauma I had no idea that my childhood trauma lived in my symptoms , hiding in plain sight. Once you know you can never look back ( if your a child look away now!). Its like when you find out Father Christmas doesn’t exist , you can never believe again .
I think that most survivors already know they are different , they know they are not okay. It’s really difficult for survivors to look at themselves and recognise childhood trauma , a bit of the woods for the trees scenario . They are used to being in a heightened state , they will be told they are just an anxious person and they need to relax .These individuals will know how they are acting and thinking is not right but its a complex mix and its difficult to think of the trauma as a separate thing to their own identity. They secretly use coping techniques , possibly distractions like drugs or alcohol, sex or gambling . In fact the trauma response is so interwoven in the individual it’s hard to know what is you or the trauma.
In a way the trauma is a symbiotic creature living off the sufferer.
Shame and fear don’t help
I realise its partially our fault that we don’t discover that our problems stem from ACEs , we carry shame and fear that leads us to avoid and not confront those symptoms and therefore keep it a secret.I have heard that trauma is stored in the body ,but my own experience leads me to the conclusion that trauma is stored everywhere. We avoid therefore don’t seek out deeper explanations , its easier to try to forget , carry on ,but these scars hide everywhere in our actions , thoughts and even in our DNA. My own experience , going to the local General Practitioner for my allotted 10 minute session . They see anxiety , don’t ask questions and offer medicine . It’s not their fault , they are busy and see symptoms. When I realised it was childhood trauma and went back a few years later , he listened , wrote a lot down and then wrote out a prescription , I haven’t seen him since , no referral , no trauma clinic , nothing.
So my A-ha moment turned into a “so what” moment , it made no difference , so here I am , on my own finding out stuff , passing it on and like Livingston in the jungle Im searching for a clearing.
I hope your A-ha moment was better than mine , I hope you are getting help and support and are feeling you can cope better knowing .
Anyway , hope you are all well , see you soon …..
